Når man er angst og/eller deprimeret kan det gå ud over ens hukommelse !!
Den er jeg helt med på, men hvorfor er det så lige, at min hjerne ikke glemmer at være angst?
Jeg synes faktisk godt, at min hjerne kunne gøre mig den tjeneste, når nu den gladeligt lader mig glemme aftaler og koder. Den lader mig også have problemer med at læse og bytter rundt på bogstaver og ord, så jeg nogle gange føler mig som en dement på 137 år. Men angsten – den er åbenbart blevet lagt i allerforreste rum så den ikke bliver glemt.
Jeg har gennemskuet min hjerne. Den er simpelthen en lille, trodsig pige på 5 år, der kræver, at min opmærksomhed bliver lagt lige der, hvor hun vil ha’ det. Og hun har bestemt, at vi skal være bange – ja, faktisk har hun bestemt, at vi skal være bange for at blive bange.
Mine terapeuter gennem tiden har alle sagt, at det er fordi min hjerne er pænt veludviklet og gennem livet har tænkt sig ud og ind ad situationer. Men nu skal jeg lære at mærke – ikke tænke, men mærke!
Det bliver hårdt arbejde at få det lært. Angsten har jo netop lært mig, at jeg ikke vil mærke noget, for når jeg mærker min krop, så er det jeg bliver angst. Og når jeg er angst, så tager jeg vare på den lille pige indeni. Så får hun den opmærksomhed hun kræver. Nu bliver kunsten så, at give hende den uden at give køb på mig selv og mærke ubehag.
Jeg glæder mig til min næste terapi. Der skal vi arbejde med at give slip på det kæmpe behov jeg har for anerkendelse fra en person, som med alt tydelighed har vist, at han ingen interesse har i mig. Jeg har altid troet, at blod var tykkere end vand, men jeg skal have lagt låg på en drømmeverden, som aldrig kan blive sand.
“Oh, I have a lot of compassion”, she says and talks about her mother being sick from depressions while having to work three jobs. Her hand makes the well-known move to put the long, black hair in place. She sits in her place with a huge amount of grace. She seems calm and centered. A woman, who is at peace with herself. She radiates strength when she says: “But it’s not an excuse!”
When I watch the Reunions of “The Real Wives of Beverly Hills” I am amazed by her beauty, but I have to admit, that I am not amazed by her words.
Joyce (if you watch the show, you have guessed it already, right?) is right, when she claims that Brandi’s depression is no excuse for a potty mouth. But suffering from depression explains a great deal! I am surprised, that Joyce can not look behind the harsh words and see the real reasons for Brandi’s behaviour during the last season of the show. If Joyce has seen her mother suffer from such a bad mental health, and if she is this all-embracing person, that she works hard to appear like, she would understand and find it in her heart to forgive Brandi’s behaviour – no matter what. She might not be able to be her best friend – after all, harsh words hurt no matter what condition you are in when you say them – but still – she would not take it all so serious and be able to move forward and not pay attention to Brandi. Oh, and I think that’s what being a christian means, too 😉
There is a saying: “Avoid what doesn’t bring you happiness”
So I would suggest, that Joyce simply aknowledge, that you cannot be friends with everybody and not everybody wants to be your friend. That’s it. Actually this goes for Brandi, too. She as well, should just avoid people, who don’t make her feel good.
My own purpose in this earthly life is to raise awareness about depression and anxiety. This is something that can strike everyone. You cannot say, that just because you are beautiful and talented and succesfull you shouldn’t feel depressed. It’s all chemical stuff that happens in your brains. Being stressed, for a longer period of time, can make it happen. So no wonder it happened to Brandi at this time of her life, where she has had to go through some extremely difficult things.
I wish more people would be able to see beyond actions and look into the reasons. And I especially wish, that people, who have the public’s attention through the medias, would think twice before picking on someone who’s already falling.
“It’s not an excuse”
– no, but it’s an explanation.
Please notice, that this blog-update is ONLY about the theme “depression”, that was brought up in the Reunion part II – other things will be on my blog in the time to come…
